tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-166946902024-03-07T02:36:27.434-05:00Don't Know BetterMusings and AmusingsAparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.comBlogger989125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-68804767613076622882014-10-21T11:43:00.000-04:002014-10-21T11:47:03.999-04:00A THING THAT HAPPENEDI don’t usually write sincere posts on here, but “here goes” or whatever “people” “say” “anymore”. And this is not about my secret Scientology past (oops!), or my illegal Roomba family that I keep in a bunker in Poughkeepsie (hey guyz). Nope, this is even more serious. And it’s about comedy.<br />
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For a brief tiempo while the regular host (Leo Allen, no relation to Tim) is away being successful, I have the distinct privilege of hosting a New York show that is a bonafide institution, for newcomers and vets alike: it’s called Whiplash and it’s every Monday at 11 p.m. at UCB Chelsea. This show has been around for a long time, by comedy standards, and dates back in initial forms to Aziz Ansari and before that, the Ancient Greeks. I only mention this to explain what I was doing there, officer, so please unhand my laptop, thank you so much.
So last night, something magical happened, as often happens at long-running, hot New York underground comedy shows. A special guest drops by unannounced! And it was a real crazy surprise! It was Chris Rock. I! Was! So! Excited! For! The! Crowd! To! Experience! Such! A! Treat!<br />
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I brought Chris up to a few open mic credits, etc. and obviously, everyone was ecstatic and it felt very cool and on-message with what live performance is about. (ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!) Then I went back around to watch him. He mentions that he’s there to work out stuff and then gets into one of his first bits. He gets out the setup and then suddenly addresses someone in the audience to put away their phone, because he can see them taping. Oh. No.<br />
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It gets worse. He goes back to start his joke again, momentarily thrown off, as he’s just there working on stuff. And then notices ANOTHER person taping him, a guy in the front row. It seems like the guy starts arguing with him a little, and then Chris gets fed up and walks offstage, barely over a minute or two after he got there. I guess as any successful multimillionaire artist might when they’re just trying to work on their craft and not have to be some show pony trotted out for the public’s consumption. It was heartbreaking. The stage is empty. I go out and we are all shocked. My brain is in full panic mode.
Someone announces that he’s truly left and I try to address and sit in the utter suck of the moment, and then attempt to remind the audience how many utterly fantastic comics are on the show that night (Nick Thune, Josie Long, Jermaine Fowler, Julian McCullough), and not to take out a couple people’s unfortunate behavior on the others. And the one guy who was taping in the front row left, and I think it was for the best. He seemed genuinely remorseful but I think he had ruined enough of the audience’s night that it was better that he didn’t stick around. And the rest of the audience really rallied after that point. Truly, they made it matter why live performance can be so important and special and unique and not some stupid video to throw on YouTube or SnapChat to your personal trainer.<br />
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I think I just wanted to retell all this because I think, in certain places, I assume audiences know the protocol of how to behave at a live performance show. But I think I take for granted, that with the Internet and smartphones and instant gratification, the lines have blurred between private and public space. Everything feels like fair game to post or tweet or ‘gram. But no. That’s not true. I know the Internet has made us feel like “Hey, you’re the main character in this super boring movie where you’re on your phone more or less the whole time, and everyone else is an extra here to embellish the story.” Many of us are guilty of it. We’re all becoming the devil. I know I’ve taken a picture of a sleeping person on the train and thought, oh goody, let’s see those likes roll in.<br />
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Comedy is a rather unique performance art form in that even in its creation, it relies on testing it in front of an audience. Not everything will work, but there has to be an implicit agreement to be there and be present for it. Trying to record things on your phone is a part of the time we live in. Some of us are so mindlessly on our devices all day that you might not even consciously realize how much space they take up in your lives. Nobody experiences anything anymore just for the sake of experiencing it. You know what’s cool about live performance? You were there for it. You got to hear something that was just meant for you. Not for hits or views or clicks. And artists make their living by their ideas. To take them and then get to decide what you want to do with them is unfair and a straight-up violation of another person. And that’s the thing. Chris Rock is a person.<br />
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This is all very diluted and not cohesive but these are my thoughts. Treat all people like they are people, respect art, try experiencing a moment without sucking the soul out of it. You can always gasp write about it later and what it meant to you or faint tell it in person to friends so they can relive your experience of it. In the meantime, remember we’re all trying to share and make the most of this limited space and time we have here together. Don’t be a jerk.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-84908427665013600262013-10-17T14:20:00.003-04:002013-10-17T14:21:24.179-04:00CONAN!!!HI FRANDZ, thank you so, so, so, so, la, ti doe much for the kind words & buttons you've sent my way! I was indeed lucky enough to be on the <a href="http://teamcoco.com/">Conan</a> show on Monday night, doing standup for the first time on the telly. It was a dream come true. The man is very tall, very nice, and very much my hero. And don't get me started on Andy.
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Here's the set!
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<iframe width="448" height="290" src="http://teamcoco.com/embed/v/71267" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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And <a href="http://jezebel.com/check-out-the-first-indian-woman-to-perform-stand-up-on-1445843162 ">Jezebel</a> was nice enough to scoopz it! I'm not totally sure that I'm the first Indian-American lady to do stand up on late night U.S. smell-o-vision, but if I am, whoa.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-29275385195099420382013-06-26T23:57:00.000-04:002013-06-26T23:57:08.031-04:00kMy dad just walked up to me, handed me a copy of <i>Lean In</i>, and then made me read his favorite passage in it (spoiler alert: it was the one about GOOGLGGLELEGELELEE).<br />
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SO BASICALLY I NEED ANSWERS AND I NEED THEM FASTAparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-18116475329276799312013-06-14T15:36:00.000-04:002013-06-14T15:42:53.334-04:00CWATF EPPY: Dalai Lama DramaI got to do this an episode of fun web series called <a href="http://cwatf.com/">Conversations With a Twitter Feed</a> by cool dude Alex J. Mann!<br />
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Here is my episode, featuring the Dalai Lama's tweets & my crap attitude:<br />
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<iframe width="384" height="216" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VrxDlCtIMVA?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-34460166872235457562013-06-07T12:29:00.000-04:002013-06-07T12:29:04.178-04:00Rainy Day Doodle<a href="http://www.brickhousestudios.com/wp-content/uploads/Sing_rain_duck_posterlr1-620x812.jpg">Today, we are all Roger.</a>
Ever feel like a duck in the rain?
Water is supposed to be your element, but not when it's pouring on you!!!
Anyway, I expect a 20-page paper on why I don't deserve tenure by tomorrow.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-26045350006954099512013-06-03T23:24:00.003-04:002013-06-03T23:24:36.884-04:00Confessions of a Cheater: Different Blog DallianceOK! Confession time!
I did a little bloggy bloogy elsewhere.<br />
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But don't worry, I remembered to clean up after myself, because I am a responsible blog owner. And I never overstay my welcome at the blog park.<br />
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Basically, I did a little series called <a href="http://cc-studios.tumblr.com/tagged/the-group-coupon-project">The Group Coupon Project over at CC:Studios</a>, one of Comedy Central's digital ventures.<br />
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It was a cool, reasonable time wherein I got to try out different Internet deals & then recap 'em, like a goldarn pioneer on the Western web front.<br />
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Here were the four parts, in case you like options:<br />
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1. <a href="http://cc-studios.tumblr.com/post/50023949305/by-aparna-nancherla-if-you-have-the-internet-and">Hollywoodland Tour</a><br />
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2. <a href="http://cc-studios.tumblr.com/post/50579218968/the-group-coupon-project-2-thai-massage">Thai Massage</a> <br />
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3. <a href="http://cc-studios.tumblr.com/post/51162323829/the-group-coupon-project-3-beginners-knitting-class">Beginners' Knitting Class</a><br />
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4. <a href="http://cc-studios.tumblr.com/post/51762827482/by-aparna-nancherla-if-you-have-the-internet-and">Whale Watching Tour</a><br />
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THE ENDZ! (or is it just the BEGINNING of the MIDDLE?!)<br />
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P. to the S. Reconnected with one of my favorite YouTubicles of all time. Maybe because I'm a women, I appreciate the effervescent power of a good sync up, but this hype man of a vidja reinvigorates my spirit, time and time again.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mcqGFA99BTk?rel=0" width="480"></iframe>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-7019371110309366642013-05-29T19:36:00.003-04:002013-05-29T19:44:04.703-04:00Heads UpHey guys, in case you feel safe right this moment, just know that <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg6AqFOfVmhR1gZXpNzVhJWYvzUrA37vwPXAQXyTbl_JlPZMkL1Xn6MEIFXI4Ealpg5YSVMQ69Vd9qnEEyos5CqJ5NUZ_-WWzlZ1hB0FjdaIMGvSdq-j8tG43hRyVyVQ77wYL7/s1600/Spooky_tv_face.jpg">this</a> is out there.
Have a great night!Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-67492434043007396522013-05-28T23:30:00.001-04:002013-05-28T23:33:57.785-04:00ThoughtIf someone tells you their dandruff is bothering them, give them a hug and tell them it's gonna be OK.
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In other news, my dandruff.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-55300250372289033312013-05-27T16:59:00.000-04:002013-05-27T17:01:42.855-04:00Stylin' Out: Totally Biased Field PieceHello bloggles,
Here is a field piece I recently did on <a href="http://www.fxnetworks.com/totallybiased">Totally Biased</a> wherein fellow TB writer and life jester, <a href="http://www.guybranum.com/">Guy Branum</a>, and I visit an anti-violence against gays rally, bringing with us a dose of pizzazz.
<iframe width="384" height="216" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/IMZVqxdj8gk?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
TENKS FOR WORCHING!
In all seriousness, to support the group that organized this event, visit <a href="http://queerrising.wordpress.com/">Queer Rising</a>.
Fashion forwards and email forwards,
Fendi BendiAparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-91953033001100843042013-05-18T13:41:00.001-04:002013-05-27T16:59:54.456-04:00KETCHUP TIME!!!</br>A belligerent TV appearance I made on Thursday eventide:</br></br>
<iframe width="384" height="216" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vZ6fcwmDDeU?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
</br>***</br></br>
<p>3 other things.</p>
<p>a. <a href="http://achievedstrategies.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Jump_FreedomMedium.jpg">i hope u all r thriving.</a></p>
<p>b. <a href="http://www.serialoptimist.com/interviews/the-biggest-lols-from-the-loliest-aparna-nancherla-15884.html">i got to do this interview for a website i love! FUN RAMBLES IN CHATTER TOWN.</a></p>
<p>c. <a href="http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/48565617130/whenever-i-see-a-puppy">i found a new role model.</a></p>
<p>k bye!</p>
<p> </p>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-55918374381435129552012-12-28T23:56:00.002-05:002012-12-29T00:10:20.021-05:00Airport Satellite DelayWeb Father, it's been 750 hours* since my last blogfession. (*according to flavor scientists)<br />
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I'm at the airport. I'd have really enjoyed <a href="http://www.shalomlife.com/img/12496/1273508973902783/400_300_1273508973902783.jpg">the '80s comedy boom</a> because I can't stop thinking and talking about the airport and airplanes, coincidentally most especially when I'm in one or on one.
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You can tell a lot about an airport based on whether there's free wifi or not. For example, here at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport (pardon the namedrop), there <i>is</i> free wifi, you just have to click the "Agree to Terms of Service" button and you're good to go with two and half bars of dial up speed.
With my luck, if I actually read the fine print on the service terms, I probably agreed to give them half of my complimentary beverage on my next flight.<br />
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Pardon the interruption, but there is a kid staring into space who is really taxing my social anxiety right now. Don't people who stare into space realize that there is a no-eye zone around my general vicinity? I don't see a point or purpose to your roaming peepers, and frankly, it's creeping me out major big time.<br />
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OK. The kid left, Angry Birds backpack and all. I am safe again. FOR NOW. (This is called a bait-and-bait in adventure travel writing, where I use cliffhanger language and then the big twist is...there's no pay off!!!)<br />
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I guess that kid wasn't so bad. We were both charging our mobile devices from the same outlet, so we had a workable peace, but it was time for a regime change. Also, while we were charging (I still am), which is a pretty vulnerable state, this goateed guy walked up to us and asked if the airport provided us with the chargers or if they were ours. This question was so ridiculous, I wanted to bop him once for asking it and once for formulating it. But instead, I said "Um, ours" and then acted like he wasn't a monster. Which was true charity on my part. I mean I guess maybe some airports do that, but my flight is delayed an hour, I abandoned my humanity an hour ago.<br />
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Full disclosure: I also had my own row on my first flight though so my head is still deswelling from that.
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<i>true power</i> </div>
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<i>I mainly hope my son is OK</i></div>
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OMG breaking! The guy who asked the weird question came back all empowered with a charger, and declared with a Shakespearan lilt "I'm going to plug in here-uh!" As if I had anything to do with it. I should propose a duel. Do you propose a duel or a toast? Oh never mind. When your flight is delayed an hour, they're the same thing.<br />
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You guys, there are some seriously pissed families at this airport right now. Some of them have been trying to get home for minutes now. Check out the body language on this bunch.<br />
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<i>That leopard arm is the mom, not a wildcat </i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidRmJNWTgAsceteUpRO3-p3fzpNZ5sdNRO2ktnzg_MJvf0IUdoGpBX6Uemf-p7L2gwLUN0UMn0MqzDVscbcq1-KjJFZ35FYH0Qfi_J8hVVWK43mzqb9lcSft5K8QKifYKRUNmCuA/s1600/IMG_0397.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidRmJNWTgAsceteUpRO3-p3fzpNZ5sdNRO2ktnzg_MJvf0IUdoGpBX6Uemf-p7L2gwLUN0UMn0MqzDVscbcq1-KjJFZ35FYH0Qfi_J8hVVWK43mzqb9lcSft5K8QKifYKRUNmCuA/s400/IMG_0397.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="300" /></a></span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><i>fed up tween alert!</i></span></i></div>
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I am reading an article about <a href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/suzy-favor-hamilton-136952">an Olympic runner's secret life as a call girl</a> so things are really cooking over here.<br />
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OMG BREAKING BROKEN! Goatee guy just walked away and left his charging phone at my mercy. Whaddoido. Leave it be?! That's so predictable. That would never sell as a web series.
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In conclusion, saw this dude earlier. He's the worst.<br />
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<i>b real 4 once plz</i></div>
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OK MORE LATER BY WHICH I MEAN I HAVE TO GO HARVEST NECK PILLOWS BYE<br />
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p.s. everyone at the gate just applauded because we're taking off soon? i hate travel solidarity. a baby also just started scream crying so pray for meAparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-25879083809109678902012-12-07T18:01:00.002-05:002012-12-07T18:04:57.546-05:00RECENT LIFE ACHIEVEMENTI got to VOICE AN EDUCATIONAL PUPPET on <em><a href="http://www.fxnetworks.com/totallybiased/">Totally Biased</a></em> the other night: CHECKMATE!!! BUCKET LIST VANQUISHED!!!
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(Deft expert HANDling done by comedic muse <a href="http://www.janinebrito.com/home.cfm">Janine Brito</a>)
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Here he is, your anthropomorphic economic concept, ladies and gentleman...FISCAL CLIFF!!!
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<iframe width="384" height="216" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9IRL0wQflb8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-65824429890506805532012-10-30T23:06:00.002-04:002012-10-30T23:12:41.980-04:00WHATTA GIF'TYOU GAHS! Wiccan Rebirth came early this year. This is all I've ever wanted: to be captured and captioned (thanks AT!).
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<a href="http://s295.beta.photobucket.com/user/sunrx12/library/" target="_blank"><img alt="TotallyBiased2" border="0" src="http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm133/sunrx12/679476345.gif" /></a><a href="http://s295.beta.photobucket.com/user/sunrx12/library/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank">
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<a href="http://s295.beta.photobucket.com/user/sunrx12/library/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm133/sunrx12/owl-chicks.jpg" /></a>
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Last one's an old photo of my aura (mugshot idea NOT MINE).Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-48010715466556895632012-10-19T18:03:00.002-04:002012-10-19T18:04:57.783-04:00Internet Killed the Video Starhi hi i made my tv debut last night on a show i'm writing on, check it out!
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<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dpucRQfXjG0?version=3&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="384" height="256" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-40135626684244188752012-08-29T00:55:00.001-04:002012-08-29T01:06:34.181-04:00Subjectivity: Exhibit HEYoh, the nonstop thrill ride life of an artist!
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi49RwlAjZerp8hq42KpH4xfuB-cVz5oI9cy-CLUyrg0M3a60vrZQDdgoIs5gBWarrQxmgF4lQNSjVXNwInV7nAiKMQpzDlawrW6NNLiqMLElog5ss3z7IM1xVhzaIBxJBrh5WmTw/s1600/relativity.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="96" width="392" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi49RwlAjZerp8hq42KpH4xfuB-cVz5oI9cy-CLUyrg0M3a60vrZQDdgoIs5gBWarrQxmgF4lQNSjVXNwInV7nAiKMQpzDlawrW6NNLiqMLElog5ss3z7IM1xVhzaIBxJBrh5WmTw/s400/relativity.png" /></a></div><br />
in case you just must know what they are commenting on, just imagine it's the rainbow cloud fingers i splashed up.
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i promise that's the more interesting option.
Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-53721083161177955342012-07-31T19:04:00.002-04:002012-07-31T19:04:19.251-04:00JUSSAYINSnoop Lion sounds like the least trustworthy gangsta eva.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-29225045254300722412012-07-18T04:04:00.000-04:002012-07-18T04:08:09.461-04:00MY NEW THERAPIST<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV6JLfUDK8bUHieU1yiegW1UCHr-lC3GocgUjA2KfyGG7RFha4_MsdvX2ge_M8Avun5yBXFXbvvZYditemB6U45jabGmv6RIvfMH40RDhXIA4V5-z0vLe21T4txFzmN7AGj6ExjA/s1600/Dachshund_Puppy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="300" width="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV6JLfUDK8bUHieU1yiegW1UCHr-lC3GocgUjA2KfyGG7RFha4_MsdvX2ge_M8Avun5yBXFXbvvZYditemB6U45jabGmv6RIvfMH40RDhXIA4V5-z0vLe21T4txFzmN7AGj6ExjA/s400/Dachshund_Puppy.jpg" /></a></div>
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Thank you Wikipedia Commons, or should I say UNCOMMONS!Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-39441634493376059802012-06-25T17:06:00.005-04:002012-06-25T17:12:16.478-04:00HEY GUYS, WATCH THISBirthed this art egg with comedy brilliants <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/weismanjake">Jake Weisman</a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/terribletown">Pat Bishop</a>.
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DARE TO CRACK IT!
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<iframe src="http://www.funnyordie.com/embed/566e6c8274" width="384" height="256" frameborder="0"></iframe><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:384px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/566e6c8274/aparna-and-jake" title="'from PatB">Aparna and Jake</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a> <iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2F566e6c8274%2Faparna-and-jake&send=false&layout=button_count&width=150&show_faces=false&action=like&height=21" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="border:none; overflow:hidden; width:90px; height:21px; vertical-align:middle;" allowTransparency="true"></iframe>
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Thank you for watching AND existing. Please share if you believe! AND THANKS AGAIN.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-51079097679707943932012-05-31T03:39:00.000-04:002012-05-31T03:43:43.543-04:00Forget What You've SeenNow there is only this:
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<object width="384" height="256"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ubRR8F1PGNY?version=3&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ubRR8F1PGNY?version=3&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="384" height="256" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
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AND this:
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<object width="384" height="256"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tNnGVehi5x4?version=3&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tNnGVehi5x4?version=3&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="384" height="256" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
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How these don't have infinity views is beyond me. But I don't question it. It is not for me to know.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-34269362701608814382012-05-26T01:34:00.001-04:002012-05-26T01:34:19.984-04:00CLASSIC INTERNET<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKlGIEMGEuq2ivy15qluqwBqajoEXmPGT46qLzYZGvWr4mCkuggR_P1SbEWRLkBUNnvrbOX-tIQdp_k5ExsFys9WVenejquPx-EoEwZWyjdzpcF0YFW8vaiNmWbCJy_JR5KzoU8g/s1600/realtalk.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="105" width="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKlGIEMGEuq2ivy15qluqwBqajoEXmPGT46qLzYZGvWr4mCkuggR_P1SbEWRLkBUNnvrbOX-tIQdp_k5ExsFys9WVenejquPx-EoEwZWyjdzpcF0YFW8vaiNmWbCJy_JR5KzoU8g/s400/realtalk.tiff" /></a></div>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-52941536206159242032012-05-24T04:38:00.000-04:002012-05-31T03:45:08.992-04:00I Was Their Sober QueenOOPS I NEVER POSTED THIS.
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HERE IT IS, LATE AND IRRELEVANT.
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TRY AND SHIMMY SOME MEANING OUT OF IT.
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I DARE YOU:
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Keep this date in mind: <b>5/12/12 </b>(the night before Mother's Day, a SATURDAY, if you must know)
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I don't go out as much as I used to. I'm happy staying in and tinkering with my newest wall gaze.
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But being back in DC, tonight I happened to catch a rare ride on the weekend post-midnight, pre-Mother's Day subway. There was track work. And apparently an important Caps game earlier. Perfect. You couldn't set up the ingredients better for something to happen.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvNJqVE222mIWk7d3k-w-zRJXJ0q3yM1Eywna1mTIKH6aeQcVlX_VN5apD9cBZHvN6Cm82jf1UEoSN5IC6yAoJUY44trfUaeTeQnFInwBgGuI2PDfySzQ864J4i3C7f1-ppBJUgQ/s1600/6675532615_8cd66a55a6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvNJqVE222mIWk7d3k-w-zRJXJ0q3yM1Eywna1mTIKH6aeQcVlX_VN5apD9cBZHvN6Cm82jf1UEoSN5IC6yAoJUY44trfUaeTeQnFInwBgGuI2PDfySzQ864J4i3C7f1-ppBJUgQ/s400/6675532615_8cd66a55a6.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">All track work and no play makes for a typical subway. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">Courtesy of <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mtaphotos/6675532615/">Flickr and MTAPhotos</a></span></div>
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When I descended into the subway platform for the preliminary part of my two-leg journey, there was a couple making out on one of the benches but the woman was sitting on the man's lap, and her friend was lying down prostrate next to them (let's call 'em <b>Three's Company</b>). And occasionally, the girl in the couple would smack her friend and go "SHADDDUP" even though her friend wasn't saying anything. First level of drunk hell.
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Then, before I could make any sound judgments, the train came, we all got on like the genteel, misunderstood specimens we were, and it duly plopped us at our next transfer point.
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It seemed unlikely there would be further incident.
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Except at our next platform, the train wasn't due for another 20 minutes. And there were no benches. And Three's Company is stuck there, like jammed clockwork! So obviously, the couple lies down on the ground spooning. And the friend, not to be outdone, lies down nearby and puts on sunglasses. Second level of drunk hell.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTTZvKLizxkkKBLGm1tfDML6twzBnzuVReropEWaTYR0SuuYX1ggcFpeZEdzByIhY20GHYfNx034ub2WL1q1CSBfagsz35grY1cnwx9MPQ8Xr7ZrLnCVfEuvs568A6LYj2D43Bg/s1600/3239377094_f481e02ac7_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTTZvKLizxkkKBLGm1tfDML6twzBnzuVReropEWaTYR0SuuYX1ggcFpeZEdzByIhY20GHYfNx034ub2WL1q1CSBfagsz35grY1cnwx9MPQ8Xr7ZrLnCVfEuvs568A6LYj2D43Bg/s400/3239377094_f481e02ac7_m.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">An accessory to public intoxication!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">Courtesy of <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/andresrueda/3239377094/">Flickr and andresrueda</a></span></div>
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At this point, I sensed, this is probably "not allowed." And measures might be "taken". And sure enough, ten minutes later, a bunch of subway employees appeared for a very brief and uneventful sting operation, in which they stood over Three's Company and stared at them, trying to guilt them into some kind of recognition of their crimes. As this resulted in no response, one of the employees finally said "Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse. Me. You have to get up."
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At this point, Three's Company slowly peeled themselves off the ground, seemingly offended at the rules in this train bar, if you could even call it a bar, what with the lousy service! The couple propped themselves up against each other, and the friend, sunglasses still at full mast, slumped herself into a sit against the station name pole, giving her a real <i>Weekend at Bernie's</i> feel. Third level of drunk hell.
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But alas, it didn't stop there. Because at that point, a crowd of crewcut rabble rousers (let's call 'em <b>The Jerks</b>) descended into the station, talking in that shouty, condescending volume associated with drunks who are still at the height of their Five Hour Energy bell curve. They took one short look at Three's Company and turned into a razzing storm. Nobody gets more self-righteous then the sauced making fun of the more sauced. Fourth level of drunk hell.
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The Jerks were joking around with the subway employees, asking if anybody had ever pooped their pants before, waving their hands in sunglasses' lady's face who had passed out by that point, still taking the time to flirt with some wide-eyed beautiful Swedish tourists who were, against all odds, also sitting on the ground, on a Swedish flag no less, and all in all, creating a well-choreographed PSA for giving up.
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Then the train came.
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And none of these people got in the same car as me. It was a Christmas miracle!
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Or rather, a fake out by fate.
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Because soon I got another colorful cast of characters. A girl who got on the train shouting about how her hair hurt and her boyfriend and his friends who decided to sing to pass the time. Fifth level of drunk hell.
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Not to be outdone, despite being 3 stops away from my final destination, at the next stop, 2 guys and a girl get on (let's call them <b>Three's Company 2: the Sequel</b>), all toasted. The girl immediately addresses the entire car: "Does anyone want to play a game?" Sixth level of drunk hell.
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I would have never seen it coming, but Hair Hurts girl is up for it. Oh, except the entire game is just "not holding anything on the car." That was the first attempt at explaining the rules.
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The second attempt was "You have to stand up and not hold anything in the car for balance while the train is moving." Better. Way more clear. Hair Hurts girl is not up for it. Literally. "Nope, I will fall right down." LOVE self-awareness in drunks. Wish you saw more of it.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-VqpqVrAfuT869FosTTx6XPNSV0l7_j1Gq1bYjhTW72fk5UI9wL8lpnSyXUy0R-NZtuc8nduS7WfSs6XMmNTygq878tnPNco_nvttdnSAss6sacQjOgLLc_fmtU8SID4nWRX63w/s1600/522895891_1a59124510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-VqpqVrAfuT869FosTTx6XPNSV0l7_j1Gq1bYjhTW72fk5UI9wL8lpnSyXUy0R-NZtuc8nduS7WfSs6XMmNTygq878tnPNco_nvttdnSAss6sacQjOgLLc_fmtU8SID4nWRX63w/s400/522895891_1a59124510.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Shots, shots, shots, and misses!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">Courtesy of <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/7386141@N07/522895891/">Flickr and calispera</a></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Nobody wants to play the game, of course. So Three's Company 2 bravely plays alone, which involves a balancing act that is a cross between a beginning capoeira workshop and failed auditions for Cirque du Soleil. To nobody's credit, there were no major tumbles. And to one of the guys' debit, he did a pull up for no reason at one point. Seventh level of drunk hell. Actually, eighth with the pull up.
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Meanwhile, Hair Hurts Girl and the girl in Three's Company 2 strike up a pointless icebreaker conversation with each other, as if they would ever remember any of it, let alone the entire night again.
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At this point, I was in prime eavesdrooping mode with the simple but effective alibi of a half-started crossword Sudoku in my lap. (Note: Eavesdrooping is when you're eavesdropping and nodding off at the same time. Happens a lot on public transit.) And, shrewd detective that I am, I learned that Three's Company 2 needed to switch trains at the stop where I was getting off in order to get to the right destination. Suddenly, a call to action.
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So as I was getting off the train, I helpfully tapped the least drunk of them on the shoulder and said "You need to switch to the Orange Line here to get to where you're going." This guy went into Freaky Chicken Mode, and without even thinking, he immediately pushed his drunker pal out the door onto the subway platform.
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Except then the doors closed. And the ultimate nightmare of all drunk people everywhere happened. Drunkest guy got separated from his friends. And then he started howling. Not yelling, not screaming, but howling. From the depths of his wolf spirit guide, out it came. Team Jacob FTL. And his friends slapped the door yelling "We'll come back. Just stay here" as the train pulled away. Ninth level of drunk hell.
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And I realized, I, the designated soberface of the night, caused the biggest mess of all. And that's where I went wrong. You don't bring your logic and reason into the world of substances. You let things run their weird, messy, hit-and-miss course.
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And that's why I don't go out much anymore.
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On that note, GOODNIGHT. Please join me next time when I explore FEELINGS.
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<b>*grand gesture of closing a curtain*</b></div>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-72531833494543913782012-05-11T14:49:00.002-04:002012-05-11T14:54:11.658-04:00Lace Up!THE TIME IS NOW.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vQFJWuHtuHdOE3tda3eYEU8IyjT1LjDImkwuKzOav1mlvaNeW7hsXKJDLkTllAdzLEcQpMZRViWPbQGAMCLees4JC7hdFfzSzZ4fRgGlJjwN3FfxnkfU4xzhLZoW_anI94rbSA/s1600/omgshoes.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="26" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9vQFJWuHtuHdOE3tda3eYEU8IyjT1LjDImkwuKzOav1mlvaNeW7hsXKJDLkTllAdzLEcQpMZRViWPbQGAMCLees4JC7hdFfzSzZ4fRgGlJjwN3FfxnkfU4xzhLZoW_anI94rbSA/s400/omgshoes.tiff" width="376" /></a></div>Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-65280782986609778902012-04-02T20:13:00.007-04:002012-04-02T20:18:29.096-04:00I AM WINNERGreat news for me, who bravely took my chances on the overseas Mega Millions lotto. Click to zoom zoom zoom.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCQ4sdUf3TDgaH3N46mKb8V0VokkRPW896-PZLrZLQId267o3qZyKicPgY47ro-xiByHfVLvqDAsUetTiWd24gS2r2GsXx5DYbxVmjhGcQ5wDeO9FEuh0Nu3r5efFjrfehNZEnvw/s1600/big_win.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 98px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCQ4sdUf3TDgaH3N46mKb8V0VokkRPW896-PZLrZLQId267o3qZyKicPgY47ro-xiByHfVLvqDAsUetTiWd24gS2r2GsXx5DYbxVmjhGcQ5wDeO9FEuh0Nu3r5efFjrfehNZEnvw/s400/big_win.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5726961501748567906" /></a><br />First thing I'm going to buy is Rebeca Sally another C for her name, and then, more "names" and "addresss" for myself!Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-16270140242040752282012-03-19T19:16:00.009-04:002012-03-19T19:55:46.490-04:00The Wifi Password Is CrowdsourcingI decided to sit at the communal table in this coffee shop because I wanted to be part of the solution. But instead this is the place where nobody has private convos, or is seemingly here to accomplish anything except talk inappropriately loudly about their Kickstarter project. Everybody looks around occasionally to make sure you are aware of them, and constantly shifts on these group benches so that the sequel to the Industrial Revolution is but a lucid fever dream. <br /><br />Someone's phone alarm just went off to remind her to be more annoying.<br /><br />Near me, a woman eats veggie chili like it matters. I have no issue with her. She looks like she doesn't believe in Kindles.<br /><br />Actually, a woman at the other end is yell-whispering to her colleague nee frenemy. This is what she just said: "I've seen how hard you work for other people. I've seen how hard you work for yourself. You're just a little freakyass nerd."<br /><br />Then she excused herself citing "I have to get a Twizzler."<br /><br />And the bench weight shifts and my coffee shudders and the appropriated world music CD plays on...<br /><br />A poster in the corner melodramatically reads "This too shall pass" as if to say "I'm just a dorm room conversation starter. What do I know?!?"<br /><br />There is also a cat walking around like he is about to fire all of us for existing. I couldn't agree more.Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16694690.post-11333994444759478732012-03-04T02:44:00.003-05:002012-03-04T02:56:18.777-05:00Gettin' Sketchy With ItWanted to share two funtastic sketches I got to be a part of that just made their World Wide Webuts, written by two lovely & hilarious ladyfaces.<br /><br />1. <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/82d6048cb4/miss-wallflower-usa">Miss Wallflower USA</a>, written by <a href="http://www.lovelikearobot.com/">Tia Ayers</a><br /><br /><object width="384" height="256" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" id="ordie_player_82d6048cb4"><param name="movie" value="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="key=82d6048cb4" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed width="384" height="256" flashvars="key=82d6048cb4" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" src="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" name="ordie_player_82d6048cb4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:384px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/82d6048cb4/miss-wallflower-usa" title="'from Tia Ayers">Miss Wallflower USA</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a> <iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2F82d6048cb4%2Fmiss-wallflower-usa&send=false&layout=button_count&width=150&show_faces=false&action=like&height=21" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="border:none; overflow:hidden; width:90px; height:21px; vertical-align:middle;" allowTransparency="true"></iframe><br /></div><br /><br />2. <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/bc4f4bb37c/a-little-girl-talk">A Little Girl Talk</a>, written by <a href="http://honoratalbott.com/Actor/Welcome.html">Honora Talbott</a><br /><br /><object width="384" height="256" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" id="ordie_player_bc4f4bb37c"><param name="movie" value="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="key=bc4f4bb37c" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed width="384" height="256" flashvars="key=bc4f4bb37c" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" src="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" name="ordie_player_bc4f4bb37c" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:384px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/bc4f4bb37c/a-little-girl-talk" title="'from Honora and Jon Mackey">a little girl talk</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a> <iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2Fbc4f4bb37c%2Fa-little-girl-talk&send=false&layout=button_count&width=150&show_faces=false&action=like&height=21" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="border:none; overflow:hidden; width:90px; height:21px; vertical-align:middle;" allowTransparency="true"></iframe><br /></div><br />Carry on, figurative bellhops!Aparnahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13178769759198311943noreply@blogger.com0