Mirror, Mirror...(on a Funhouse Wall)

Here are some micro-affirmations from me to myself courtesy of I-yay-yay to add some pep to my salt:

You sure know how to break up a sentence with a well-placed semi-colon.

You show up at parties at the right time because it reminds others that they need to leave.

You would not yell "Alright, who's pregnant?!" after someone announces a water break at a meeting, but you would think it.

Your hair styles are non-threatening.

You enjoy movies that make others feel morally and intellectually superior to you.

Your use of a stapler is completely competent.

You would defend someone's honor if they needed another quarter for the vending machine.

You are not afraid to refuse a receipt from an ATM even if it's dressed real nice.

You always eat one more pancake than is your limit because you feel sorry for it.

You accept backhanded compliments with backwards grace.

You tend to stay slightly dehydrated at all times in case someone might ask you if you got the thirst before sending you on a modern-day quest.