A THING THAT HAPPENED

I don’t usually write sincere posts on here, but “here goes” or whatever “people” “say” “anymore”. And this is not about my secret Scientology past (oops!), or my illegal Roomba family that I keep in a bunker in Poughkeepsie (hey guyz). Nope, this is even more serious. And it’s about comedy.

For a brief tiempo while the regular host (Leo Allen, no relation to Tim) is away being successful, I have the distinct privilege of hosting a New York show that is a bonafide institution, for newcomers and vets alike: it’s called Whiplash and it’s every Monday at 11 p.m. at UCB Chelsea. This show has been around for a long time, by comedy standards, and dates back in initial forms to Aziz Ansari and before that, the Ancient Greeks. I only mention this to explain what I was doing there, officer, so please unhand my laptop, thank you so much. So last night, something magical happened, as often happens at long-running, hot New York underground comedy shows. A special guest drops by unannounced! And it was a real crazy surprise! It was Chris Rock. I! Was! So! Excited! For! The! Crowd! To! Experience! Such! A! Treat!

I brought Chris up to a few open mic credits, etc. and obviously, everyone was ecstatic and it felt very cool and on-message with what live performance is about. (ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!) Then I went back around to watch him. He mentions that he’s there to work out stuff and then gets into one of his first bits. He gets out the setup and then suddenly addresses someone in the audience to put away their phone, because he can see them taping. Oh. No.

It gets worse. He goes back to start his joke again, momentarily thrown off, as he’s just there working on stuff. And then notices ANOTHER person taping him, a guy in the front row. It seems like the guy starts arguing with him a little, and then Chris gets fed up and walks offstage, barely over a minute or two after he got there. I guess as any successful multimillionaire artist might when they’re just trying to work on their craft and not have to be some show pony trotted out for the public’s consumption. It was heartbreaking. The stage is empty. I go out and we are all shocked. My brain is in full panic mode. Someone announces that he’s truly left and I try to address and sit in the utter suck of the moment, and then attempt to remind the audience how many utterly fantastic comics are on the show that night (Nick Thune, Josie Long, Jermaine Fowler, Julian McCullough), and not to take out a couple people’s unfortunate behavior on the others. And the one guy who was taping in the front row left, and I think it was for the best. He seemed genuinely remorseful but I think he had ruined enough of the audience’s night that it was better that he didn’t stick around. And the rest of the audience really rallied after that point. Truly, they made it matter why live performance can be so important and special and unique and not some stupid video to throw on YouTube or SnapChat to your personal trainer.

I think I just wanted to retell all this because I think, in certain places, I assume audiences know the protocol of how to behave at a live performance show. But I think I take for granted, that with the Internet and smartphones and instant gratification, the lines have blurred between private and public space. Everything feels like fair game to post or tweet or ‘gram. But no. That’s not true. I know the Internet has made us feel like “Hey, you’re the main character in this super boring movie where you’re on your phone more or less the whole time, and everyone else is an extra here to embellish the story.” Many of us are guilty of it. We’re all becoming the devil. I know I’ve taken a picture of a sleeping person on the train and thought, oh goody, let’s see those likes roll in.

Comedy is a rather unique performance art form in that even in its creation, it relies on testing it in front of an audience. Not everything will work, but there has to be an implicit agreement to be there and be present for it. Trying to record things on your phone is a part of the time we live in. Some of us are so mindlessly on our devices all day that you might not even consciously realize how much space they take up in your lives. Nobody experiences anything anymore just for the sake of experiencing it. You know what’s cool about live performance? You were there for it. You got to hear something that was just meant for you. Not for hits or views or clicks. And artists make their living by their ideas. To take them and then get to decide what you want to do with them is unfair and a straight-up violation of another person. And that’s the thing. Chris Rock is a person.

This is all very diluted and not cohesive but these are my thoughts. Treat all people like they are people, respect art, try experiencing a moment without sucking the soul out of it. You can always gasp write about it later and what it meant to you or faint tell it in person to friends so they can relive your experience of it. In the meantime, remember we’re all trying to share and make the most of this limited space and time we have here together. Don’t be a jerk.

CONAN!!!

HI FRANDZ, thank you so, so, so, so, la, ti doe much for the kind words & buttons you've sent my way! I was indeed lucky enough to be on the Conan show on Monday night, doing standup for the first time on the telly. It was a dream come true. The man is very tall, very nice, and very much my hero. And don't get me started on Andy.

Here's the set!



And Jezebel was nice enough to scoopz it! I'm not totally sure that I'm the first Indian-American lady to do stand up on late night U.S. smell-o-vision, but if I am, whoa.

k

My dad just walked up to me, handed me a copy of Lean In, and then made me read his favorite passage in it (spoiler alert: it was the one about GOOGLGGLELEGELELEE).

SO BASICALLY I NEED ANSWERS AND I NEED THEM FAST

CWATF EPPY: Dalai Lama Drama

I got to do this an episode of fun web series called Conversations With a Twitter Feed by cool dude Alex J. Mann!

Here is my episode, featuring the Dalai Lama's tweets & my crap attitude:

Rainy Day Doodle

Today, we are all Roger. Ever feel like a duck in the rain? Water is supposed to be your element, but not when it's pouring on you!!! Anyway, I expect a 20-page paper on why I don't deserve tenure by tomorrow.

Confessions of a Cheater: Different Blog Dalliance

OK! Confession time! I did a little bloggy bloogy elsewhere.

But don't worry, I remembered to clean up after myself, because I am a responsible blog owner. And I never overstay my welcome at the blog park.

Basically, I did a little series called The Group Coupon Project over at CC:Studios, one of Comedy Central's digital ventures.

It was a cool, reasonable time wherein I got to try out different Internet deals & then recap 'em, like a goldarn pioneer on the Western web front.

Here were the four parts, in case you like options:

1. Hollywoodland Tour

2. Thai Massage 

3. Beginners' Knitting Class

4. Whale Watching Tour

THE ENDZ! (or is it just the BEGINNING of the MIDDLE?!)

P. to the S. Reconnected with one of my favorite YouTubicles of all time. Maybe because I'm a women, I appreciate the effervescent power of a good sync up, but this hype man of a vidja reinvigorates my spirit, time and time again.

Heads Up

Hey guys, in case you feel safe right this moment, just know that this is out there. Have a great night!

Thought

If someone tells you their dandruff is bothering them, give them a hug and tell them it's gonna be OK.

In other news, my dandruff.

Stylin' Out: Totally Biased Field Piece

Hello bloggles, Here is a field piece I recently did on Totally Biased wherein fellow TB writer and life jester, Guy Branum, and I visit an anti-violence against gays rally, bringing with us a dose of pizzazz. TENKS FOR WORCHING! In all seriousness, to support the group that organized this event, visit Queer Rising. Fashion forwards and email forwards, Fendi Bendi

KETCHUP TIME!!!

A belligerent TV appearance I made on Thursday eventide:


***

3 other things.

a. i hope u all r thriving.

b. i got to do this interview for a website i love! FUN RAMBLES IN CHATTER TOWN.

c. i found a new role model.

k bye!

 

Airport Satellite Delay

Web Father, it's been 750 hours* since my last blogfession. (*according to flavor scientists)

I'm at the airport. I'd have really enjoyed the '80s comedy boom because I can't stop thinking and talking about the airport and airplanes, coincidentally most especially when I'm in one or on one. 

You can tell a lot about an airport based on whether there's free wifi or not. For example, here at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport (pardon the namedrop), there is free wifi, you just have to click the "Agree to Terms of Service" button and you're good to go with two and half bars of dial up speed. With my luck, if I actually read the fine print on the service terms, I probably agreed to give them half of my complimentary beverage on my next flight.

Pardon the interruption, but there is a kid staring into space who is really taxing my social anxiety right now. Don't people who stare into space realize that there is a no-eye zone around my general vicinity? I don't see a point or purpose to your roaming peepers, and frankly, it's creeping me out major big time.

OK. The kid left, Angry Birds backpack and all. I am safe again. FOR NOW. (This is called a bait-and-bait in adventure travel writing, where I use cliffhanger language and then the big twist is...there's no pay off!!!)

I guess that kid wasn't so bad. We were both charging our mobile devices from the same outlet, so we had a workable peace, but it was time for a regime change. Also, while we were charging (I still am), which is a pretty vulnerable state, this goateed guy walked up to us and asked if the airport provided us with the chargers or if they were ours. This question was so ridiculous, I wanted to bop him once for asking it and once for formulating it. But instead, I said "Um, ours" and then acted like he wasn't a monster. Which was true charity on my part. I mean I guess maybe some airports do that, but my flight is delayed an hour, I abandoned my humanity an hour ago.

Full disclosure: I also had my own row on my first flight though so my head is still deswelling from that.

true power 

I mainly hope my son is OK

OMG breaking! The guy who asked the weird question came back all empowered with a charger, and declared with a Shakespearan lilt "I'm going to plug in here-uh!" As if I had anything to do with it. I should propose a duel. Do you propose a duel or a toast? Oh never mind. When your flight is delayed an hour, they're the same thing.

You guys, there are some seriously pissed families at this airport right now. Some of them have been trying to get home for minutes now. Check out the body language on this bunch.

That leopard arm is the mom, not a wildcat 

fed up tween alert!

I am reading an article about an Olympic runner's secret life as a call girl so things are really cooking over here.

OMG BREAKING BROKEN! Goatee guy just walked away and left his charging phone at my mercy. Whaddoido. Leave it be?! That's so predictable. That would never sell as a web series.

In conclusion, saw this dude earlier. He's the worst.

b real 4 once plz

OK MORE LATER BY WHICH I MEAN I HAVE TO GO HARVEST NECK PILLOWS BYE

p.s. everyone at the gate just applauded because we're taking off soon? i hate travel solidarity. a baby also just started scream crying so pray for me

RECENT LIFE ACHIEVEMENT

I got to VOICE AN EDUCATIONAL PUPPET on Totally Biased the other night: CHECKMATE!!! BUCKET LIST VANQUISHED!!!

(Deft expert HANDling done by comedic muse Janine Brito)

Here he is, your anthropomorphic economic concept, ladies and gentleman...FISCAL CLIFF!!!

WHATTA GIF'T

YOU GAHS! Wiccan Rebirth came early this year. This is all I've ever wanted: to be captured and captioned (thanks AT!).





Last one's an old photo of my aura (mugshot idea NOT MINE).

Internet Killed the Video Star

hi hi i made my tv debut last night on a show i'm writing on, check it out!

Subjectivity: Exhibit HEY

oh, the nonstop thrill ride life of an artist!

in case you just must know what they are commenting on, just imagine it's the rainbow cloud fingers i splashed up.

i promise that's the more interesting option.

JUSSAYIN

Snoop Lion sounds like the least trustworthy gangsta eva.

MY NEW THERAPIST

Thank you Wikipedia Commons, or should I say UNCOMMONS!

HEY GUYS, WATCH THIS

Birthed this art egg with comedy brilliants Jake Weisman and Pat Bishop.

DARE TO CRACK IT!

Aparna and Jake - watch more funny videos

Thank you for watching AND existing. Please share if you believe! AND THANKS AGAIN.

Forget What You've Seen

Now there is only this:



AND this:



How these don't have infinity views is beyond me. But I don't question it. It is not for me to know.

CLASSIC INTERNET