i'm a social robot programmed with a serious flaw.
i think i'm singlehandedly killing all my relationships off one by one.
this was best expressed this weekend when visiting my sister with my parents. we all just sat there. in silence. it was awkward. my dad said he liked my sister's purple hair. that was the crux of conversation. yeah. exactly. what is wrong with this picture?
i also have trouble expressing my anger. i wish i could just vacuum it out of my system everyday like dust mites. but i can't. and it festers. and then it explodes in my face. i shoved a lady on the subway today. i really need to get myself checked for rabies. passive-aggressive rabies?
in conclusion, i think i need to, via simple calculation, switch the efforts i take in planning my social life and switch these with those i put into careerplanning. since neither is going successfully right now, i should at least put more stock in the pot that will generate money rather than debt.
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1 comment:
shoving people on the subway can be extremely cathartic.
and don't worry -- there's no flaw in your programming...you're human and you've simply hit a rough patch in your life where trying [with relationships] just doesn't seem to be working...so you almost subconciously have a "why bother" attitude. it'll pass...displacing your emotions and burying yourself in work is a short-term solution that rarely yeilds any high-interest long term gain. invest in yourself and attempt to confront your problems head on...[easier said than done..i know]
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