so. reality is sinking in these days like melted butter into toast. it's so homey, appetizing, and happily predictable. almost. and then you realize it's probably coating your arteries in massive cakey chunks until one day your chest tightens up, and you see things for how they truly are. but for now. deeeee-licious.
1. i don't think i can get over my prejudice against short guys, the guilt factor of which is severely exacerbated by my own short stature. is it better to live in denial or 'fess up? i can't can't can't deal with this being at eye level with a romantic other. something just ain't right. plus whenever something's bothering me, it comes out in an underhanded spastic way. like i kept making references to height the whole night on this date yesterday unintentionally. and then this homeless man ran up to me with a flower yelling "oh lady! lady! lady!" and i shrieked with delight and took it because, you know, that's love. and then he held out his hand expectantly to my date for cash money. which the poor little guy had to cough up.
2. i don't think i can get over my pre-hatred and post-hatred of people. sometimes, i meet someone and i have instant dislike. this kind of creeps me out because it means other people experience the same thing upon meeting me. the very same thing. but then i get over it because i don't often have pre-hatred of people. it usually happens when i'm on the subway and someone sometimes rubs their dirty hands on the back of my neck. ok, not quite, but almost. but that's usually a surefire case scenario of when i hate people right away.
the other case is when i really like people and then for some unpredictable reason, the liking starts to be replaced by a festering hate. and i don't know why but it just lingers and lingers. and at first, i try and play nice. but then, i just can't take it anymore and i blurt out something horribly mean. and then, it's too late. i can't take it back. but sometimes it's better to be honest than to play games. i used to be so even-keeled. now at least 25% of the world drives me bazongas. as a psych major, i'll get to the bottom of this. i'll fix it, tweak it, and at least make it smell pretty in the end.
3. i can't stop eating. at first, it was a sandwich, some chips, an apple. but then i sadly realize i could repeat the whole cycle again a mere five minutes after completion of the first. and i realize i could repeat it once again after that, too. usually, this hungerlust would be accompanied by crippling feelings of guilt, anxiety, and myriad cameos by various fat demons. but for now, we eat. that's right, we. me, myself, and i. as i was saying, deeeeee-licious.
all of the junk, none of the guilt
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4 comments:
the Inner Limits ... please stand by
Aparna, no! Bad girl, bad!
3. I was/am a psych major myself and as you no doubt have guessed that kind of eating results FROM something in your life not being filled and you substituting it with food OR something that's causing you much anxiety/stress that makes you eat more which makes you even more anxious and also guilty. There's a host of other things [like 'that time of the month'] but those are the two main items. You could think you know what the problem is but unfortunately it's not that easy...just because you think it's a problem that you can't control (because you can't control other people) doesn't mean you should shrug your shoulders and just go with it. fight it! be stronger than temptation! just pretend you're Rocky or something...
2. It's always much better to be honest than to play games, but you have to make sure you're honest from the very beginning...
1. short people are fun, remember the wizard of oz? [also if your date was smart he would've taken a page from the book of dave chappelle(a la "half-baked") and come out of that transaction with more than he started with]
ron, i like u. u have my permission to date aparna.
man, what am i going to do with all these crazies?
ronald mcdonald -- don't worry. i did not go on an all-out binge. as it turns out, i was actually just hungry. short people are fun to make fun of, in my experience. and secrets do a good soap opera make.
puckett/meow mix -- stop trying to find me a job. actually, start. trying. HARDER. and secondly, your multiple personalities are the worst case i have EVER seen. and i took abnormal psychology in college. oh wait, no i didn't. still the fact holds.
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