Monday, April 10, 2006

Unclogging the Pores of Humanity One Laugh at a Time

do you all mean to say there are actually people out there who eat chinese leftovers hot? what is better than a cold slimy noodle? answer me that!

my first column is published. weeehoooooo. i also have a $25 paycheck. seeing as how this is my first income in the past 3 months, i have been continually wetting myself out of sheer ecstasy. i will probably treat myself to 2.5 drinks later this week just to get the heady feeling of blowing cash.

so yesterday i did another open mike stand up gig and it went surprisingly well. it was crazy. crazy awesome. i told my not-so-made-up joke about the guy who sent me some indian jokes he wrote for me. that went over well. i think i got the sympathy minority card. the thing i'm not understanding yet though is what exactly makes the audience laugh based on what i say. yeah, it seems like something that seems pretty crucial to telling jokes. but i'm totally out of tune. i just get up there and go "blah blah blahhhhhhhh" and hope they laugh at all. i really don't pay attention to where they laugh or why they laugh. next time, i will take my little tape recorder. that reminds me, i still want one of those pen recorders. this has been an ongoing desire since i was 8. and now, i'm in an even less plausible position to get one.

beyond crazy awesome

oh but, when the audience was making "awwwww" noises because i was playing the poor little don't-box-me-in-by-the-color-of-my-skin card, i was thinking of saying "you know what would really make me feel better? if you changed those awwwws to haaaaaas."

also the host called me Oooh-parna instead of Uh-parna. it certainly made me sound that much more scintillating.

in conclusion, my current work task, assigned to me last week, is getting some cumulative information to help write up/produce someone's obituary. i'm somewhat behind on the task so i spent all weekend hoping to goodness this person did not die so i would not be screwed. yes, it was an interesting time.

postscript: i told my mother i don't wash my face. she got this new face-cleaning scrub. and she wanted me to try it out. she was horrified when she learned i don't wash my face and queried as to the justification of such an abhorrence. i told her that people tell me i have nice skin. and i don't do anything to maintain it. so why should i start doing anything? she, in the way only a mother can, forced the face scrub on me with a cotton swab. and i did feel some lovely tingling sensations in the process. needless to say, today i have a huge inflamed zit on my forehead. coincidence? don't make me come to your house and clog your pores with so-called cleaning solutions. my face exists in a happy equilibrium of dirt and air. best to leave such natural wonders untouched by the wiles of man.

you're not fooling anybody with your refreshed look


Ashley said...

didn't know you did stand-up. Crazy! But pretty cool!

Aparna said...

thanks dude.

dink said...

I'm glad to hear things went so well stand-up wise and paycheck-wise. Does twenty-five dollars only buy TWO (point five) drinks nowadays? Jeez. It's been a while for me. ha.

I'm with you on the cold chinese food ...I hear there are peeps who heat up left over spaghetti too ...go figure.

Aparna said...

thanks! yes, it's sad how not far 25 bucks will take you these days. holy bajoojoo.