What Are You Talking?

well i saw comedian JIM GAFFIGAN perform tonight. he is very funny. he was too funny even though i was feeling sleepy when i saw him. he was so funny that my sleepiness watched him along with my wakityness and BOTH PARTS of me laughed. that means he is really funny. he makes a lot of squealing and yipping noises. i mean WHAO. WHAO. WHAO. check him out. if you can't actually check him out, check his myspace profile because apparently that counts for something these days.

ohhhh swoonery

i realized something sobering just now. this superb job listing, for which i am applying, FOR WHICH I AM ACTUALLY QUALIFIED (this is like a haley's comet once in a harvest moon type deal), well there is no health insurance offered. now how is it possible that something so good could be paired with something so evil? i don't know. it reminds me of vitamins filled with cocaine though. why? i don't know why. ok better analogy: salad with deep-fried cheesecovered beeffat chunks in it. ugh. i am hurting on the analogies.

good v. evil: the car ornament war continues

onward and upward. my dad has dropped at least 50 things on the floor today. and after each drop he says "g'dammit!" as if the world is conspiring against him. it's very strange. it's like a film clip that constantly repeats throughout my house. but how many things can you drop in one day unless you are going through things at an exceptionally frenetic discombobulated pace? A LOT, ladies and gentlemen. A WHOLE LOT. he also seemed to be dropping a whole lot of cd covers. perhaps he lacks the fingerpad dexterity that most of us take for granted. poor daddums.

speaking of parentals, i have to drop my parents in CHINA tomorrow. ok not IN CHINA. but at the portal that will take them to CHINA. i am rather unkempt at the thought of my parents being away for 2 weeks. my thumbs will probably twiddle themselves off. either that, or i will be forced to start pretending i have invisible companions. these companions will drop things a lot too. man, the house is going to be messy. i'm not picking up after my buddies. i don't care if they're imaginary, irrational or just plain stupid.

my imaginary friends will have more depth than this blue phallic-looking thing.

in conclusion, i bring you the deformed breadstick gallery, available at a suburban pizza outlet near you:


THE DEFENSE RESTS ITS CASE

THE USUAL SUSPECTS

BREADHENGE

MY CHEEKY little NIECE SNEAKS INTO THE GALLERY

(FIN)