I Have More to Say But You All Have ADD

so i have a couple things to say, 5 exactly. most of them are awesome and lifechanging, so listen good. actually i know most of you have short attention spans, 4000 other blogs and sites to read/check and very little regard for someone's diligent efforts to make a post interesting (300 google image searches + 1 mediocre brain containing some original thought = wondrous reading amazement).

1. headshots

i've been looking at a lot of headshots lately. most all of them are ridiculous. especially comedians who try to look EXTRA ZANY or conversely, EXTRA SERIOUS. why don't you just look presentable and you can throw in the visual hot sauce once you're hired? no? too much to ask? fine. take a gander:


upsetting


not sure what she's trying to pull here


i'm so zany! look away! look away!


groundbreaking. literally. birds-eye view? next you'll tell me the world is round.

2. things rolling off my back

i've been letting things roll off my back. like when people say "where do you work?" and i say "i have a job. but it ends on thursday. then i will be a professional napper." that is a great example of things rolling smoothly off my spinal cord. seriously i slept for more hours than i was awake this weekend. i'm thinking of offering my services as a live-in baby for expecting couples. i would cry every two hours on the hour, require feeding and burping and would change myself but let them know what i'm doing so they would get an idea of excretory logistics and the like.

terrifying

3. fathers AND mothers

yesterday was father's day. my mother and i were joking about wearing GIANT EARS around the outside world to prove we are good listeners and he is not such a great listener so he kept saying WHAT?! WHAT?! whenever we started laughing because he thought we were making fun of him. he's great though. topnotch padre quality.

not only are they big, but they're bleeding

4. drinking coffee before it melts

i'm trying to do that. right now. big iced espresso sugarlandchocolatefun. but it's melting. must finish it. my cubemate keeps moisturizer at her desk as do many people in the working world. however, she has already moisturized her hands 5 times today. i feel this is a bit overzealous. now we both smell like magnolia blossom but my hands are still chapped (from the heat?). what a deceptive situation. do you feel betrayed? i do.

you can take your soft skin, and shove it

5. lastly significant others

whenever a guy talks about his girlfriend, i melt inside. this is because i'm a sentimental pansy girl. but seriously, every time a guy shows me a picture of his girlfriend, i think, without doubt, she is the cutest thing i have ever seen. in conclusion, there seems to be a neverending supply of adorable, huggable, grinworthy girls in the world. rinse and repeat for girls talking about boyfriends or girls talking about girlfriends and guys talking about boyfriends. equal-op jealousy here.