i feel like a giant foam peanut today. before you jump the gun on that one, lemme explain.
credit: www.stickfigureninja.com
the other night, i got some news that shouldn't have struck me as that upsetting, but it did. it basically was like if you're about to sip a hot drink and someone THUMPS you on the back really hard. you were going into the conversation all cautious, hoping for, at worst, maybe a burnt tongue, at best, maybe something sweet and smooth with unprecedented undertones. HAH. instead your face is melting off and your pants are wet in that i-just-had-an-accident way, your thighs are scorching and you're still clutching the cup all carefully, like that makes a difference anymore. ARE YOU OK? someone says. um. well. you stick your dripping scalded finger up. just gimme a sec.
i need to reevaluate my interactions with dudes. because i realize i wear my heart on my sleeve, resulting in often-disastrous consequences. if anyone even has a glimmer of interest in me and they seem neither sketchy, sleazy or terribly malintentioned off the bat, that's it. they get one huge openminded chance, and if we hit it off, well that's it. that is IT. i'm putty. i'll pack my bags. i'll change religions. i won't tattoo their name on my shoulder because that's just tacky, but pretty much all other bets are off. the point is they don't realize how much power they have...and then they get bored. or cold feet. whichever comes first. and i'm left standing there wondering what happened. but i'm still a fan. of all of them. call it poor form. or what you will.
excellent. she's already coloring with only my favorite colors.
for lack of other ways to make an impression...
- i've lied to my parents for a guy.
- i've snuck out of the house after 2AM for a guy.
- i've purchased a pink boa for a guy.
- i've driven 3 hours for a guy.
- i've used my most threadbare (nonexistent) connections for a guy.
- i've written fanmail for a guy.
- i've made indecent inquiries for a guy.
- i've written hatemail for a guy.
- i've acted like a total ho-skank for a guy.
- i've stolen two bags of tortillas for a guy.
- i've courted and wooed and mercilessly flirted for a guy.
- i've gotten precious show tickets for a guy.
- i've forgiven and forgiven and forgiven for a guy.
- i've even forgotten for a guy.
and they play DDR all over my heart. at least, they get better at it. gotta respect the game. ow ow ow.
a sucker until the end.
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4 comments:
Men are absolutely the suck. I've been on 5 dates in the past month, and I've been stood up, held up, and felt up. The last guy told me about his shower fantasy of us....right after our first date. Needless to say, he has been scratched off my list. I'm holding out hope for one particular guy, but he'll probably end up turning gay before I can get my claws on him. I need a lover, not an interior decoratr or fashion guru. Grrr......
amen to that. but i'm holding out hope for the both of us. i just get mad that i need to date at all. i'd rather be a plant, self-sufficient with the sun and water and the occasional swig of bourbon.
You could also be an earthworm. They don't need partners either! But then wallowing around in animal feces and soil might not be your cup of tea.
Its weird. Sometimes I think that girls do too little to reach out for guys. Then, I hear stories like yours. My girl-friend(s) often beat me up over some survey that said "Guys are turned off by girls who approach them". Then again, where are these guys???
how about you try to not date?
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