Monday, August 28, 2006

Medical Malpractice Can Happen in the Home

my mother, despite her maternal whims and whiffs, can sometimes horrify me. being a doctor...she inevitably possesses the cold antiseptic demeanor only a whitecoat can aptly convey.

prime example this morning. i come into the kitchen. she had assaulted an orange in the fruit bin. half of its skin lay in a matted heap next to it. the rest of it remained on his trembling body. did she intend to eat this orange? nay, fair reader, nay! it was simply a heartless scalping.

what did she do with the peel mercilessly torn off the fleshy fruit? she put it on a teddy bear's throat! YES. there was a teddy bear lying on the kitchen table, unaware as to his earthly crimes. mainly because he has none. except for irrationally playing "jingle bells" upon squeezing of his appendix. but other than that, NONE.

READ ON! it's certainly not humane, but you must know the truth. the witch doctor PUT THE PEELS ON THE TEDDY BEAR's THROAT, got a fresh syringe from the refrigerator (where many of her weapons of malice are contained) and began puncturing the bear's throat with the needle.

she says biopsy practice, i say needless torture of fruits and vegetables (the bear. he doesn't sing anymore, just lies there.) stop the insanity. i cannot bear it.


go towards the light, bear! towards the light!

3 comments:

Ox said...

Note to self: DON'T GET SICK IN DC!

Melissa Marie said...

No! I hope the bear didn't look like the ultra-cute Snuggle bear! That would break my heart.

Aparna said...

ox -- well. i would have to agree.

melissa m. -- it's ok! i elevated his head. and propped him against the flower vase. i think he's gonna be fine despite the residual trauma.