you're still here. funny how that works. i've been having the worst social anxiety lately. i can't even hold my head up in public. i've even developed a habit of staring into my own armpits to distract myself from the external environment. earlier this week, some of my deepest social anxieties were confirmed in that i received some rejection of a pretty standard variety. this bolstered a fun game of let me count the ways in which i am a ridiculous sore-thumb-face/black-sheep-butt of a human being.
however, as with most chemical physics, including the emotional kind, the volatility of the gloom&doom combo created an unstable compound that cannonballed me head-on back into the comfortable narcissism of being depressed, self-involved and unconcerned with other people and what they thought of me *nerd snort*. and strangely, when depressed, i usually try and stay in public places (to prevent succumbing to the dark side). so i went to an open mic. got onstage. had a probably mostly mediocre set but felt strangely at peace. onstage is where i feel somewhat sheltered from everything else in the world, including myself.
so yesterday was my personal day at the bemusement park. the new coasters were a bit trying on my nerves. so was the topsy-turvy-spinny-gravity-boing-boing-machine! but today i'm back in the stable hoopla of 9-5 + coffeebreak. saddened still by so many things on local and global levels, but uplifted by others. this past weekend at the comedy festival was an exercise in faith. and strength. and self-discovery. oh and i have a new zit. as proof that any, and perhaps all of it, did indeed come to pass.
time to clean&clear my face! and my mouth of bad analogies!
pip pip. be good to everyone, including yourself.
certificate courtesy of Kids Certificates
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