Thursday, June 19, 2008

In Which Judgment Calls, and I Do Not Answer

This morning I had to walk by some construction workers. Call me old-fashioned but I get uncomfy at the mere prospect of passing construction workers up ahead. The "Men at Work" sign makes me break out into a frozen sweat. Let me qualify.

photo courtesy of Flickr and General Wesc

As a female specimen, I'm not in the beauty-invasion-gams-from-outer-space category wherein I am catcalled even by inanimate objects. And I am also not in the category where I wear a giant paper bag over my head and torso so that people will not even think to acknowledge me as a fellow human. I'm in the regular ole could-go-either-way-depends-what-day-and-who's-lookin' category.

To complicate things further, as for fashion sense, my only rule is that I always buy pants bigger than the size I wear. It's a weird thing I have. So my pants are almost always in the process of, or already, falling down (in minimal increments, don't get all excited!)

So my underwear is, 8 out of 9 times, probably noticeably showing* (hence my affinity for wearing dresses over pants, and you thought I was being bohemian).

Girl underwear (i.e., panties) exposure is a Pavlovian bell for hetero-males since the time of cave playgrounds and Stone Age recess (i.e., I see London, I see France, I SEE DEM PANTIES, GRRRRRL!!!)

So whenever I see construction workers, my Pavlovian response is to pull my pants up all the way to my chin. The epitome of ladylike behavior! If I'm feeling extra sensual, I follow it up with a jovial crotch itch.

And whenever construction workers yip nonsense at me, I know it's because they saw some little butt clouds or whatever cutesie design I have starring in that day's sidewalk booty parade.

Let's be real. I am no better than the average bum clown!

Don't be fooled by the ditwitted smile!
photo courtesy of Jormanda H.

*Yeah, I know about belts; I just keep forgetting to wear them. Plus, just to show off, I would probably end up looking like these guys!


Also on Tuesday, the power was out at work so we got an impromptubular holiday! What did I do? I cleaned my room. I had to make good on a punishment rendered upon me years ago!

I also took a nap and felt sorry for myself. So it evened out? I realize now I might have been duped by my ne'er-do-well alterego, What the Craparna.

In my natural state (dormant)
photo courtesy of Jormanda H.


eli said...

these are entertaining. you're blog's where escapism goes to escape. what?

Ham said...

It's a known fact that construction workers are constantly horny. They use their raging boners as shovels.

Aparna said...

eli - yer a good man. yeah i said it!

ham - well put; well said. both of those things.