Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Not by the Nerves in My Chinny Chin Chin!

Then I'll slurp and I'll burp and I'll get oatmeal all over your shirt again!

Just another typical afternoon here in Fractured Fairy Tale Land.

Coming back to work has proven difficult in terms of cleaning out my mouth, hydrating myself properly, and eating on schedule. Plus every meal means a guaranteed stain somewhere on my clothing. Just moments ago, some yogurt plopped on my pants. I've never felt so empowered.

I am intrigued by having a numb chin though. It's like the opposite of a phantom limb because it's there but I just have no sensation in it whatsoever. I like to tap on it and squish it around because it's amazing how something can be fully alive, but feel totally dead to you. [Insert forced joke about ex-boyfriends. LADIES?!? Pandering.]

Imagine if this guy couldn't feel his chin! Maybe that's what's on his mind.

photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Also my craving for a nice sandwich remains unrequited though applesauce has become akin to a new lover for me. Glop gloop.

I did get a piece of office birthday cake though I couldn't balance my cake-consumption-to-banter ratio because I was too concerned about chin crumbs. Small victories!

Oh, also, this is from a press release I got at work [my red italicized comments are in brackets]:

"Workers shared some of the craziest things their co-workers have done on the job:

  • Co-worker ate the cheese off the pizza box at a company meeting. [And the problem is?]

  • Co-worker talks openly about flatulence. [In this case, words are preferred to actions.]

  • Co-worker in the cubicle next to me wears 3-D glasses with the lenses removed. [Smart, because real life is already 3-D, plus you can never be too prepared for your next Avatar viewing.]

  • Co-worker repeatedly bangs a mallet on the table for no apparent reason. [This one is my favorite. Let the law decide!]

  • Co-worker whistles 8 hours a day. [Let me guess the song: "Whistle While You Work."]

  • Co-worker chews tobacco and spits it into empty soda bottles. [Onto the floor would be grosser though.]

  • Former boss brought a baby sippy cup to a meeting and started drinking out of it. [This seems like a open-and-shut case of JAWS. *Bangs mallet*]

  • Co-worker cleaned fingernails using a counterpart's business card while sitting in their office. [Passive-aggressive scare tactics. We've all been there.]"
  • 2 comments:

    Tyler said...

    I thought you started with Lil Wayne lyrics for a second there. That guy that ate the cheese off the box would get the biggest "UGH!" That's worse than sofa pizza.

    Aparna said...

    Is it really that bad?! I had no idea! Lil' Weezy? I should more likely be quoting Kanye's "Through the Wire" non-stop!