B's Alwayz Red Dottin' on Gchat Tho

B keeps it business casual in emails. Mishy keeps it real.

Also, TOILER ALERT: I'm looking for a job as a monster. But y'all had a hunch, I'm sure.

Spammers of the Sea

I got this email from MoveOn.org today.

Subject: Shark Week

Body:

Dear MoveOn member,

As you may know, it's Shark Week on Discovery Channel. And while these ruthless predators attack a few unlucky surfers and scuba divers each year, most Americans don't need to worry about them.

But there's another ruthless predator out there killing Americans that needs to be stopped.

Check out this brand new video and then share it with your friends, because to combat this growing menace, we're going to need a bigger boat.

http://pol.moveon.org/sharkweek/?id=16739-10011506-nz7xrJx&t=2

Thanks for all you do,

–[The MoveOn.org Team, but actually names to create the impression of intimacy]

Guess who the real sharks are? No, really, just guess. No, guess again. Ok, one more time. Alright, fine. HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES!!!

I definitely appreciate the creative gimmick, but hahahaha, I can't stop laughing. Not even to forward it to all my friends and spread the word. Not even, haahahahahahahahahahaaha.

Ok, maybe I sent it to a couple friends, but not for the right reasons.

I dare you to watch the video. I double dog(fish) dare you.

Um, but in case you think I'm a bad person (partially true), MoveOn.org still gets the last laugh because I'm on their mailing list twice, which is pretty much the exact opposite of progress and the American Dream.

I Do It All for the Cookie

Unfortunately, I am writing yet another entry about food. I decided a midafternoon cookie might do everyone well on this particular day. I made a choice, I went ahead and purchased it, and then I ate it. Let me just say it was quite unsatisfying. I mean, there are mediocre but passable easy-bake treats, and then there is sub-par gluco-carbery that has been sitting in the display far past its sell-by date.

I'm just saying, can't we donate old baked goods to some kind of home or assisted tasted facility? It's just not right to expect them to function as if they were young skippies fresh out the oven.

Hello beautiful!
photo courtesy of Flickr and inajeep

Also, it's scary to get emails with this subject:
NEW FORM OF BREAST CANCER - WATCH THIS VIDEO*!

...even if they're well-intentioned. No cookie can compete with that educational but sensational noise.

I will pass it around because the guilt and fear will be arriving in, oh, about five seconds...

*If you would like more information on this subject, I refer you to the National Cancer Institute's page on it, and will forego the absolutely scarifying, heartclenching video.

In the true spirit of too little, too late...

YAY BUNNY BOOBOO HAPPY! FUN FUN!

photo courtesy of Flickr and normanack

photo courtesy of Flickr and librarianjill

Cheer-Ups: Two Parts Love, One Part Cheekiness

I went to Alice's memorial service at her aunt's house over the weekend. All the stories shared and people that I met, especially her family, made me realize Alice was surrounded by so much love and warmth, and no wonder she was so generous with it herself. And that is something.

Also, because Alice didn't like me because I was a sad lump all the time...

Here is my U.S.-based (thirtysomething-year-old) male cousin's verbatim email review (apropos of nothing btw) of my Sig Otro (that is to say, the oh-novio):

"One more thing, I like your Boy Friend. He is cute, active and gets along with others very well. Please do convey my hellos to him (couldn't quite get his name when he introduced himself to me)."

As Nadia aptly put it, "It's like how you might describe a hamster
that you're trying to give away."

I love indian people sentiments translated into English.

Not Actually That Clever But It Happened and I'm Documenting It

some people type and send "unsubscribe" when a mass email goes out of control with the reply-all function. NOT VERY SUBTLE but funny + it gets the point across.

i prefer the more catty:

"The Reply-all function was invented by a man named Tanksfore Cherin in seventeen seventynever.

crucial information i felt you all needed to know."

who puts the passive in aggressive?!

no really it's fine. *eye roll*