Play Linkin Park on Lincoln's Birthday; Also Log Onto LinkedIn, Call Livelinks, and Click on Links; Mostly Celebrate!

Nothing like a whole lotta links to look at to pass the time!
photo courtesy of Flickr and Clairity

The Internet did a good job of finding me the right information today. Good job, web crawlers.

Coming in my top search prize finds (note: no actual prizes were distributed) were:

The Onion News Network, with its scathingly accurate commentary on skankery.

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Comedian Eugenius Mirman. He just wrote a jokity self-help book! He's the bee's knees. He also is going to be on a new Adult Swim TV show with Jon Glaser called "Delocated" (premiering tonight actually) that looks hysterical, by any stretch of the muscle we call the imagination.

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This website, FMyLife.com, passed on by my friend and improv visionary Patrick.

Oh, here's one non-Internet thing that did a good job today: the Spanish Christian radio station I found on the drive to work this morning. Those people really took the genre and ran with it. There was something for every musical taste (well, minus all other religions including atheism, but let's not split theological hairs when we're trying to have a persecution-free time...) including dancehall, folk power ballads, sunshiney pop, and good ol' tells-it-to-ya-straight-but-with-some-mixed-messages gospel.

Here's one non-Internet thing that did a bad job today: the eyelash I found in my prepackaged hummus. Hu-mmust be kidding me! I tried to wish on it, but it stuck to my finger so I just had to wish it into the trash. Overshare + TMI = Stuff I Always Need to Know.

And to be fair(ly legal), the well-hung jury's still out on this one, but...
favorite exchange from improv practice yesterday—

Interviewer: What strengths can you offer this company besides your dick?
Interviewee: That's it!
Interviewer: Good! You're hired!

Noodle Bowl Cut

To expand on a Twitter (which might defeat the purpose, but I don't care),

I consider noodle bowls a form of cooking.

You have to cut open all the ingredients using some kind of sharp object...including a small seasoning packet of "vegetables." And don't forget the spices and sauces!

(This is the cooking part so pay moderately close attention.)

Unite them in holy matrimony.

Then nuke 'em into even holier fusion.

Then burn your hands off when you try and procure the plastic demon bowl from the microwave.

Anyway, the end result is a sodium-enriched, vegetable-shard-sprinkled, quasi-authentic-tasting culinary masterpiece.

Also, you will not regain feeling in your fingers until a few hours later.

Yeah, just like this but I simply imagined the complicated parts!
photo courtesy of Flickr and jslander

In Even Less Relevant News:

I am getting a hair cut tomorrow hence the blog title. I consider hair appointments like parties. You just don't know who's gonna be there or what you'll end up saying or who you end up going home with! LADIESSSSSSSSSSSZ!!! Am I right?!?

The Onion continues dominating!

PTED (Post-Traumatic Election Disorder)

Oh Onion, hugs all over your face!



Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

[via Hillz]

Also I got to interview a VIP today! A famous intellectual actually...and then he asked me about myself and my bigger goals and I mentioned comedy, and he was like, "oh, this is for your day job then!" And then we both giggled (mine was louder and more annoying). Even though he was feeling "under the weather"!

Then at the end, he wished me well with my humor future, and said he'd "look out for me." Right! As if world-renowned brainiacs have their channel changers primed to Comedy Central. Academic swoonage. Knowledge eyelash flutters.