Some Kind of Hero

Whoever brought this to work today and put it in the kitchenette fridge deserves some kind of plaque, or at the very least, a key to the city.

I salute you!

If You Can't Stand the Heat, Go Outside Because It's Freezing

Yesterday, the firm alarm went off at work after mostly everyone had left (hence all the people that were still there were trying to finish last-minute, time-sensitive, very important stuff).

There is no word that can convey the sense of agony I felt upon hearing that piercing screech.

There is a gesture combined with a noise though (covering my ears and gently whimpering, if you must know).

Waiting outside while fire truck after fire truck pulled up to investigate a bad light fixture was just short of tragical. But the parade of burly calendar models charging in with axes and masks pushed it over the top straight into dinner party anecdote territory.

But again, work bonding and camaraderie occurred like a charm bracelet between us poor drones who were fatefully caught in Limbo—mainly due to the easy consensus on two simple frozen-water-cooler topics: "Wait'll everyone hears about tomorrow!" and "It's so bleeping cold."

That's the stuff that'll kick down the toughest firewall between acquaintances and upgrade your systems right quick to Forced Friendship 2.0!

Three Unrelated Incidents Except I'm Relating Them to You Now

1. this happened today. i hate to state the obvious (to me) but there was a crime scene outside my office. when i went to get my (too soon?) morning jolt, i ran into some yellow tape quite literally. i'm not sure what happened but it was in front of a bank, so putting two 2 dollar bills together, i surmised a robbery, or a slobbery (poorly executed criminal operation). there wasn't any indication of imminent dangers or strangers, so i poked my head around for a nano bit. a small crowd of two (including the archetype of an old lady) had amassed around the incident upon a second viewing, as these things are wont to do.

there is no crowd surfing allowed around crime scenes though it would lighten things up, in my unwarranted opinion.
photo courtesy of Flickr and clagnut

2. also! this happened yesterday. i went to the hotel parking garage (where i park for work) to get my car, and at the exact same time that i am getting out of the elevator in the garage, a kid is zooming toward me on his skateboard. ok. let me back that up. not really a kid. one of those manchildren you see walking around from time to time (caught between adolescence and his thirties). dressed like a punk-hipster sort. playmobile/no country for good haircuts/prince valiant blonde hairdo, wire-frame glasses, a bit chubby though wearing skinny jeans, smoking a ciggie, and also happened to be making a direct tangent toward me on his skateboard.

oh snap! this was the haircut on the right!
photo courtesy of Flickr and d&e

oh snap! this is a skateboard punkin!
photo courtesy of Flickr and soylentgreen23

except i hadn't even gained but four feet of distance when he toppled over unceremoniously onto his non-ciggie hand, skateboard flipping out and flopping over to his side. the whole thing took place in slow motion. i practically saw it occurring even before it began to happen, and then, alas, it did happen.

"are you alright?!" i ventured one-quarter cautiously/three-quarters in disbelief. "oh yes," he says, picking himself up business-casually and nonchalantly, "this happens all the time." and i suppose by 'this' he meant falling. but what he actually meant was scaring parking garage denizens by practicing pratfalls in front of elevators on the regs. the punk lifestyle has very broad definitions (including taking mini-vacations from your mom's basement), and this guy's interpretation is more than welcome, comments the latest countercultural anthropologist.

3. also! this happened yesterday, with results today. i sent a happy birthday email to someone at work yesterday (on time, mind you), and she replied today morning with a "Thanks Aparana" but, as you can see, she spelled my name wrong. i believe the only proper response to this is a frowny face, so here goes:

photo courtesy of Flickr and tofslie

photo courtesy of Flickr and Joi

photo courtesy of Flickr and Just Taken Pics

it's one thing to have someone mispronounce your name but misspell it in an email regularly! when your name is spelt properly not one inch away! CAMMAN. and may i add another CAMMAN for good, nay great, measure.

This Is 401-not-o-K

Nothing is working at work! Code Purple Irony Alert.

Hype guy says: "Irony, son!"

At one point last week, our fax machines didn’t work, our email didn’t work, our website didn’t work, our online store didn’t work, and duh, yes, of course, the server was down, helloooooo…what does this look like? A place where we do stuff?! Gawd.

Anyway, believe or not, there’s a reason everything is down. It's because the company is in the process of migrating to bigger, better systems. And along with every upgrade comes the growing period where everyone slams their doors and yells "I hate you guys! I wish I had a different family!" at each other.

Remember all those comfort goodies we got awhile back? Where are they now? Probably in the same place as all the lost emails and missing webpages. I could take a nap in a bagel right now. Just to rest my head on its donut-shaped surface...

Instead, now it's just desolation with zombies-formerly-known-as-Jill-from-accounting-or-Phil-from-sales wandering the hallways with vacant looks in their eyes, their fingers twitching from excessive mouse-clicking (to no avail) and keyboard tapping.

Anyway, every time something goes wrong in my department, I'm handed a new responsibility that I am not sure how to handle. So the company's not the only thing growing! I am too. You have no idea.

In fact, I am not even communicating in words anymore. If anyone at work tries to talk to me, I flail my arms and make drowning noises, and the nice thing is, they understand. In fact, this is a perfectly reasonable reaction to anything right now, most especially, "how's it going?"

Stiff upper lip.


And trembly lower lip.


[communicated from trench-formerly-known-as-cube at 1400hours]

The Server Just Melted Down. Want a Cookie?

omg guyz, i got my bracez tightened yesterday. it hurtz like krazy. lmao, i just tried to eat a banana and it felt like a rock, no joke!!! lol lol. omg. wthigo* ow ow ow. here iz a pic! LOL.


star explosion courtesy of NASA and Astronomy Picture of the Day

rubix cubicle news

we're MIGRATING our current company website to a new one rather like a flock of unwieldy geese pages to the warmer web waters of florida. and things are going haywire. people are walking around in zombie mode stressed and tired having breakdowns left and right. i wish they were doing breakdowns left and right like in the middle of an R&B song. this is the breakdown! and then they suddenly got deep-voiced and soulful. rather than half-crazed and vengeful.

but anyway, HR is trying to create a ceasefire medium by stuffing us full of carbs -- the sworn enemy of sharp emotions. carbs make everything numb and puffy and cloudlike. which means HR baking us impromptu cookies apropros of nothing and ice cream sundae day and bagel monday and fruit tuesday and ice cream sandwich wednesday and coffee thursday and pizza party friday!!! yesterday i walked into the kitchen and there were three cakes just sitting there waiting to be had and the remnants of some donut crumbies as well as some sandwiches. you know how they say not to bite the hand that feeds you? i sure didn't...i hi-fived that son of a gun!

so BASICALLY, worktime crisis looks like SOS* to me.

i've been so tired recently i've been bumping into walls. since everyone always says they're tired, i thought i would up the ante and provide some proof of how tired i really am. how tired are you?

this is awwwwright.

*what the heck is going on?
**smooth optimal sailing

And the Award Goes to...

ME. for my professionalism.

i am getting rather relaxed at work.

i showed up late every single day for the past week.

my lunches have been ranging liberally between anywhere from 10 minutes (giving me the appearance of a workaholic...it's usually so i can finish my goofing off) to 60 minutes (this is about double what my boss takes),

and i have stopped using my "indoor" voice long ago,

i make side comments about everybody to anybody who will listen (this is mostly the influence of my coworker's religious following...he's a judgmentalist),

i make after-work plans and arrange them and rearrange them for generous blocks of my day,

my 'extremely visible to anyone' computer screen is at any given time on planworld, gmail, or some ludicrous amusing photo/comic/website,

and i have put more thought into this plan than into any work i did today.

often i am so juiced up on coffee that instead of productive i hit jittery and antsy and set off the ADD-child simulation program installed in my brain and i tap my feet ridiculous amounts of times and i consider throwing my phone across the room just to see what people will do.

perhaps the crowning point of my realization was when i literally reached into my shirt today and scratched my right boob.

mmmmmm. i'm so very glad i don't have a 3-month evaluation.

more like i'm leaving no matter what.

ahahahahaha. oh internships, you silly floozies.
despite the "time commitment and emotional investment" involved.
you know this can never get serious!

fear of hard work? run baby run.
photo courtesy of CAMP