Mouth Agape, Heart Puddling

I have discovered something unbelievably wonderful, and it goes by the name of AGAPE BEARS.

WHATtttt.

And also may I add WHAT.

If the names don't get you, those classic bewildered expressions and rumpled bodies will!

Let me introduce you to some of my new friends.

Douglas here! Bright-eyed companion for all jaunts and jollies.

Meet Walking Squawking Quackles. He waddles to the tune of "Camptown Races" and squawks when picked up by the neck!

Look who just rolled on through... it's Tumbleweed Bunny.

Or try Bunny Bear on for size. Is she a bunny? Is she a bear? How amazing is the egg's face? Oh wait, it gets better. The bear's head moves as the egg sings "Everybunny Loves Somebunny."

Oh my! It's a Webber Purse! For all your adorable storage needs.

Had enough yet?! I haven't! Giant ears always soften up stone hearts. Rockin' Reynold's ears flap as he sings "Rockin' Bunny."

Woolten Black Lamb!!! You are one of a kind!

Need a new main squeeze? Try Baa Ba!

Also meet Baa Ba's friend, Eggdrop!

Lastly, I bring to your attention the Heart Tuggers series. Gaze upon the sad-eyed bunny!

Now the sad-eyed frog!

(And scene.)

All photos and heart-warming courtesy of Agape Bears.

One Human Being's Etiquette Is Another Human Being's Disbelief

Last week, I participated in an all-day editing workshop for continuing education purposes. The goal was to address my wordy writing, but as you can tell, I still have plenty of rehabilitation to do in that area.

My classroom hours were nothing short of eye-opening. I learned a gift basket full of knowledge about the art of email writing including how to be more concise and direct, how to use more action verbs, and how to account for tone and phrase sentences in a positive light.

Without further hullabaloo, presenting some juicy knowledge tidbits for consumption!

I. Whoever Wrote These Gems Is a Sparkling Genius

Sentences I had to edit (I am leaving them uncorrected):

"I put it in the 'tickler file'. Look for it in their." [THE TICKLER FILE!!! ZOMG!]

"Hey folks, we'll be open 24/7 so come on down for your bling-bling today!" [A store that sells bling-bling? Where? Gimme gimme!]

II. Birthdays Bring Out People's Bad Sides

Another exercise was writing a topic sentence to sum up a collection of bulleted points.

Here is a sampling of the points:

"People in the office like to celebrate birthdays.

Some people get a big fuss made over them, and some don't.

We need to make things more fair.

Some people are dieting, and all the treats are hard for them to resist.

It seems like the popular people get the biggest parties.

Some people want to celebrate holidays other than birthdays, such as St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, etc."

Office birthdays are a turbulent time.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Jason Pratt

III. Time Machine Troubleshooting

There was also a page on words to avoid in emails, such as slang and cliches. Examples of slang were "Git 'er done, bling, cool, no way, get out." Examples of cliches were "tried and true, a monkey's uncle, outside the box."

(If I could count the number of times I used "a monkey's uncle" in an email, phoooooo...well, for starters, I don't even know if I can count that high!)

IV. Yay, Feminism!!!

Another section targeted gender-based pronoun problems and other offensive language such as instead of saying old maid or spinster, you could say single woman!

Or instead of saying the little woman or ball and chain, you could say wife!

Or instead of saying girls (when addressing adult women) or ladies, you could say women!

Or instead of saying big guns, you could say man of the house or husband! 

I'm kidding about the last one. 

V. Leave the Sass at Home

My favorite exercise was called "From Feisty to Friendly" and involved rewriting a rude, nasty email to be nicer and kinder.

The email example was a memo from Monroe Godzilla (that was actually his name) to all unit employees about cleaning up after themselves in the office kitchen.

It included such gems as "No matter when I go in there, it's always a pigsty!" and "I just don't know what it takes, people" and "Whoever it is needs serious help, and I plan to give it." Clearly, some really great stuff.

The surprising thing was after correcting it, the memo turned super passive-aggressive with ample use of feel-good words such as "reminder," "support," "success," "team," and "benefit."

The Second Life office kitchen never gets dirty.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Pathfinder Linden

VI. In Signing Off...

We were also advised never to sign an email off with "Thanks" as the tone can be misinterpreted as sarcastic or blunt.

Instead we were told to use something more respectful and formal such as "Sincerely" or "Best regards" or, the leader by far, "Cordially" (obvi along with attached jpegs of a powdered wig and a cumberbund).

VII. No, For Real This Time!

I just made this seventh point because I learned today that lists should have no more than seven points. Anything after that and the human attention span just fades out into default buzzy mode. You're welcome!

In conclusion, it was a fun day! The end.

XOXO,
Parna Grrrrl

Time Is on My Side? Sure Doesn't Feel Like It!

There's a musical clock in my parents' house (in which I still reside, whoa whoa, adulthood) that plays the same song when the time hits the hour. The song it plays is Are You Lonesome Tonight?, famously covered by one Mr. Elvis Presley. Though this is the instrumental version...thanks goodness, but barely. I'm just saying it makes for some pensive moments.

What a masochist of a clockmaker. Clockmakers still exist, right? Otherwise, I would cringe to work in the factory that produces these bad boys. People would just use their lunch breaks to whimper and, at the end of the day, they'd punch out their tears.

Muppets Make Everything Better

One of my most favoritest music videos is for a song called "Freakish" by a band called Saves the Day. The chief reason is because muppets are prominently featured in it, but in a truly excellent subtle and casual way.

Here are the lyrics (just to show you guys that it's a pretty intense song):

As I'm talking my words slip to the floor
and they crawl through your legs and slide under the back door
rendering me freakish and dazed.
Well here I am. Don't know how to say this.
Only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
So I'll go walking in the streets 'til my heels bleed
and I'll sing out my song in case the birds wish to sing along.
And I'll dig a tunnel to the center of the universe.
Well here I am. Don't know how to say this.
only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
I'll make my way across the frozen sea, beyond the blank horizon,
where I can forget you and me and get a decent night's sleep.
Well here I am. Don't know how to say this.
only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
Don't shut me out.



Here is my synopsis of this video, solely documenting muppet activity and participation in the video and, for the most part, ignoring humans, who get far too much airtime in society already.

0:27 - A yellow muppet first enters the shot. He is slowly glowing in the frame and glides serenely across the camera view. You can see in hushed whispers and glances that people are thinking, "Omg. I can't believe Flurgh showed up tonight. He just broke up with Jibber!"

Though it should be noted that his yellow fur is gleaming, looking supernatural practically. It's an intense night for everyone regardless because it's finally the weekend, and Flurgh is really playing up the part of the Jack Kerouac beatnik type. His feathery face remains impassive even when bartender Skip gives him the whaddup-always-good-to-see-ya chin at 0:34.

0:48 - Shiffle (WHO IS UNDERAGE btdubs) gets a seductive brush from an unnamed older lady. It makes his night.

0:52 - Gobs and Faz are hanging out and scoping the girlies, and Gobs gets pulled out on the dance floor! Right in front of Faz. Gobs was supposed to be Faz's wingman!

1:09 - Bratwurst is putting money down for another drink and is taking long drags on a cigarette. His muppet hair is all gray and ashy from his habit. He looks a bit worldweary as well. He's a loner.

1:22 - Neffie takes the last swigs of her margatini. Another night alone at the bar! (this is an emo video if you couldn't tell)

1:27 - Quick shot of Yaj looking for his date. She must've scrammed. Perfect.

1:33 - Beeley and Jasmine are going strong. Nobody could have predicted they'd still be together.

1:38 - Flurgh is shown being a wallflower for the night, trying to keep a low-profile. He looks over to commiserate with resident wallflower Simon, who refuses to make it a party of two and makes it evident he feels that way. Poor Flurgh.

1:47 - Rippa is having a great time with his blonde flavor of the week. If only his high school buddies could see him now.

1:50 - Yaj found his date! Or someone who looks like her anyway.

1:51 - Flurgh is trying to chat up an attractive stranger but she's got her eyes on the new muppo in town, Trib of the green locks.

1:53 - The same Trib who happens to be discussing stock options with Chet and Beepy.

2:01 - Greeley, Beeley's bro, is seen surrounded by women! He's the resident casanova, but he still feels a bit empty inside.

2:07 - Assorted mupps shown dancing including Jibber and Frizzle. They're just here to shimmy their blues away.

The rest of the video continues with more and more muppets shakin' it on the dance floor, and then eventually, all of them gather around the lead singer at the piano and join him in the final chorus united at last.

It's uplifting and powerful! I am a radical muppet lover though. That's all there is to say about that.

(Diss-claimer, i.e., Claiming All Disses): I know some may interpret this video as scandalous because it's adults in a nightclub scene with muppets interspersed and lots of pseudo-debauchery, but I choose to see it in a more artistic light. Call me a rebel. I don't care.

And in case this blog completely alienated you (not its intent), these two gentlemupps will probably agree with you: